Three Men and a Little Lady

This sassy story isn’t as sassy as it could be. I know, boring. But it’s real life to me and it’s one of the highlight from my single bar adventures. Keep in mind, we’re learning about each other… Well you’re learning about me. ūüôā

So when my thoughts started getting more detailed about this blog, like where I’d go and what I’d write about, I decided to pick a hometown bar to hang out at. One that was chill and not too far from my apartment. A friend recommended King’s Table. I went to King’s by myself the first time, again with her, and I keep going back almost every time I go out. I don’t get hit on (okay, every so often I do, but the men aren’t the worst I’ve ever dealt with) and the service is AMAZING. Has to be the best team of bartenders I’ve ever had serve me and I’ve thought that since day one, the owner is even there as often and more than I am and he’s an awesome dude to talk to. At King’s the have pool tables (err obvs. I mean it is called King’s Table for a reason), and the also have dart boards. So I’ve never played real darts, never tried to learn it, and never thought I would play it. That all changed when I met 3 really cool guys. *Disclaimer: Names have been changed at the request of the guys. Not because it matters, but because they’re goofs. You’ll see.

Okay, so you can put me on creeper status, but the bar was dead and these guys were playing darts. I was watching them in attempts to maybe understand what was going on, I learn better by watching than being taught. But instead, I did the awkward “shit, they’re looking — look away Kara!” for a good hour or so. Of course they noticed… (These guys notice way more than most I expected, like the fact that I wore the same brand of shirt two hang outs in row.) And that’s when Phrank invited me to play¬†darts with them. I did the shy and nervous No, I’m okay I don’t know how to play anyway. Not because I was shy or nervous, but because I didn’t want to send the wrong signals. Usually when I go out of my way to have conversation with dudes it’s seen as me trying to hook up. I mean that’s generally not my goal, but what else is there to think about a sassy single girl? It’s cool, know I’m cute.

Back on topic….

So Phrank told me just to come over… And I did. (Happy history being made right now). Here I meet Squigglebottoms¬†(name requested, I’ll call him SB) and Randall (again, requested). And you know what they did? Taught me how to play darts. We joked a little, played a few rounds of darts, and just chilled. Of course, I sucked, but they were really cool about it and told me I was doing alright for a newbie. They all also vape. If you don’t know what it means to vape, it’s using e-cigarettes for the most basic description. But they came outside to give me a real cigarette smoke break. When it was getting late and we were playing our last game SB and Phrank exchanged phone numbers with me and said we should hang again. And that was it. They didn’t make me feel uncomfortable or awkward. And when I got a text to hang out again I was pumped. Strangers turned friends, nothing more. The last two years have been rough when it comes to me making just friends. Other than the people I work with, these three dudes are my friends that I wanna hang with.

Even better than this, for the few weeks we’ve been hanging Randall, Phrank, and SB have all been talking to me about quitting smoking and trying vaping. I’ve questioned them all, tried their devices (mods) and flavors, and thought long and hard about what I want to do. I finally visited the place Randall manages and Phrank works at and got hooked up with my very own Eleaf, juice to vape with, and it’s an awesome set up. If you’re thinking of quitting visit the Vapor Haus! I threw my last 5 cigs I had in a box on the wall and haven’t smoked a cigarette since that day. I’ve quit before (when I moved to Florida), but it was miserable and the second I could smoke again (after deciding to move back to Ohio) I started again. I’ve smoked since I was 15 so the thought of quitting and meaning it is slightly scary, but I’ve got a pretty cool hook up.

I wish more people were like these guys. Chill, friendly, helpful, and they’re all really smart and level headed. Favorite things I know about them so far? Randall knows taxidermy and can build neat things. Phrank just got his first tattoo and even though I heard he was a baby about it, he’s going big. And SB is the friendliest of them all. He invited me to a Halloween party at his house and I never once felt left out. Sitting alone at a bar brought these guys to me, and I hope they stick around. Let’s all raise a glass and cheers these guys for dealing with my dysfunctional ass. ūüôā

Moral of the story is to meet new people. Embrace the weird and new things that take you out of your comfort zone. Sometimes you’ll regret it, I’ll be honest about that. But what’s that could happen? And what’s the best? You meet cool guys like I did? Not a bad thing at all.

 

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Not So Way Back Wednesday… Captain D-Bag reporting for duty.

So just a few days ago (Saturday to be exact) I decided to go down to the Oregon. I got off late and just wanted a drink. I’ve been working a lot lately, and not doing my usual bar hangs, and I needed to get out. So I stopped down at Blind Bob’s. And I had THE WORST stranger interactions I’ve ever had. Ever. Just god awful. I kept it sassy, but man I need to vent this one out.

So it’s Saturday and I get it, people go out and bars are packed. That’s cool by me I don’t mind at all. So I find one of the only empty seats at the bar (near a corner with an empty seat to my right). I’m hanging out, and can I just mention that there is not a single bar I visit anymore where I have to actually order my drink. If you’re curious as to why, visit my blog post “Why you should be friends with a bartender… but don’t date them!”¬†And I’m relaxing, enjoying the music and that’s where the fun ends for awhile.¬†Three dudes walk up and are hanging in front of the service mat. So I was working on a blog, and when I do that I use my notepad on my phone and just type (text?) away. I usually don’t get bothered, and I can hear what’s going on around me, it’s just what I do. If anything it’s an occasional “What are you doing?”, but one of the guys to my right is talking about getting out of jail and another to his right is bitching about people being so obsessed over their phones and Facebook. I can hear him and just giggle a little to myself. Really guy? What year are you living in? Find me three people under the age of 30 who don’t use some form of ¬†social media, and I’ll be impressed.

Now the bar is crowded and I’m kind of surrounded so I can’t really get out of where I am, but a little more personal space would be nice. A few minutes pass with elbows and shoulders bumping me and that’s when Captain D-Bag introduces himself to me. Unfortunately, he’s standing in a way that is directly in my line of sight. And I couldn’t even tell you this guys name. But he’s asking if I’m here alone. Of course I say yes, I shouldn’t have to answer any other way. And that’s when it starts to go downhill. He’s mocking the fact that I’m on my phone. And I laughed it off once…. twice…. a third time…. And then the comment is getting old. (Kids, please keep in mind that during this entire conversation, I was trying to end it and avoid talking to this guy and his friends. I am NOT glutton for punishment by any means. But when you’re being a dick and I’m not in the mood to deal, I’m going to get sassy.)¬†A few minutes pass and the silence is ended with this gem of a conversation:

 

“So do you have a boyfriend?”
“No.”¬†(The sass in my voice and lack of eye contact should have been sign #1 to leave me alone.)
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
Awkward look “No.”¬†(By awkward I mean bitch face look. Sign #2. But I’ll continue to see what is said next.)
“Well why not?”
“Because I don’t need or want one.”
“You don’t want one? How old are you?”¬†(What’s even more frustrating is I had this exact conversation this summer while hanging out at Wing’s with a drunk dude. My age has nothing to do with not wanting a boyfriend. I would do a WBW on that night too… but it would be so similar to this story of douche baggery.)
“No and I’m 23, I have plenty of time.” (By this point I’m extremely aggravated– please learn the signs that you are annoying someone. )
“Well I’m sure in 2-3 years you’ll want a husband and kids and want to be settled down, but you won’t meet anyone with your face buried in your phone. Facebook is fake, and you’re missing real people.”
“Ugh… Okay?”

This is the point in the conversation where the guy and his friends are complimenting my eyes and telling me I’m pretty, and I look up and say “thank you” to the friends but not Captain D-Bag, look down, and keep working on my blog. They are talking about my tattoos, and even better the bartender hears them. It’s the kid that just got out of jail asking me how many I have and telling me that it’s cool I have them. What’s even more creepy is that I don’t remember him being able to see my tattoos. But If you’ve read previous WBW blogs then you’ll know how much I HATE when men talk about my tattoos. The bartender had to know this because he starts joking with the guys telling them to keep asking things like what do they mean, how much did they cost, and my “favorite”did they hurt? — he told them in a jokey manner that he was sure I loved these questions. But the guys just stared at him like a light bulb finally went off in their heads and they realized how dumb they sounded. You’d think the conversation would be over finally….

That’s when a man walks up on my left. [PS I can’t see out of my left eye, so it’s kind of uncomfortable for me to have people on my left, but he asks if he can squeeze in to order a drink.] “Sure, go ahead.” He instantly is yelling for a bartenders attention and is leaning so far back into me that I grabbed his arm and pushed him away. This went on for a couple of annoying minutes. And that’s when Captain D-Bag notices him and gets so excited about this guy. I guess they talked earlier in the night… So now they are yelling from one side of me to the other side¬†about who knows what, and the guy on my left is so in to it, that he is sitting on my leg. Alright dude… for real… I need space. I can’t get out because there is a crowd behind me, people on both sides, and I have a good fucking seat anyway.

I gave it two minutes and looked at D-Bags buddy and said “tell your friend to stop talking to him so he’ll order and leave. I need some personal space and he is sitting on me.”

That’s when Captain D-Bag gave me a lecture worthy of getting punched in the dick. “You’re sitting at a bar, there is no such thing as personal space. If you want room you need to go sit at a table. But you can’t expect anything else by sitting here.” — Alright dick. I was here first and had plenty of room until you started encouraging this dude. So before I could respond to him I had to push the foreign guy by his arm and said “order your drink and move, you’re sitting on me.” He was so oblivious that he had to look in my lap to see what he was doing. Finally! A bartender took his drink order and he started yelling back at D-Bag. So I stopped him again and in the most angry voice I had, I told him if he wanted to talk to that guy that he needed to walk around the corner of the bar and give me room. Guys… I enjoy¬†talking to strangers. I like the weird and unusual things in this world. But I can’t stand rude jerks.

When foreign guy and D-Bag stop talking of course he starts back on me. In the mean time his friends are now apologizing for him being a douche and that’s when he proudly says “I know I’m a douche, but I’m okay with that.” Please– if anyone calls you any foul name — don’t be proud of it. Maybe you should change your gross personality. I just want to keep writing my blog… Please just stop talking in my direction… ūüė¶

So he goes on about me being attractive again. It’s not flattering at all to me, just shut the fuck up already. It’s like a bipolar effect of me being good looking, to me being glued to my phone and I’m just laughing to myself¬†at his stupid commentary. Time to unleash the bitch from hell… (You may not think this is the rudest I could have been or should have been… but for me, this is the one of the worst things I could have said to him. And I don’t feel an ounce of guilt.)

“I’m really ready to meet a girl and settle down, I would love to be married.”
“Maybe you should get on Facebook to meet her, since it’s fake, and you’re a douche in real life.”
His friends are finally telling him to stop talking to me, that I’m going to start burning him and that he looks dumb.
“She’s not burning me, this is kind of fun. I’m just telling her that I would love a girlfriend. She’s so beautiful, and I just want to talk to her.”

I finally looked at him and to shut this down I said “If you really want, I’ll find you a girl in this bar who would be willing to talk to you and fuck, but that girls is not me. So you can stop now.”
“By all means if you can find me a girl!”
“Well it’s going to be the girl barfing in the corner of the room, she’s the only one with low enough standards to talk to you. So you should go over there and leave me alone.”

And it was over, he left me alone and I didn’t have to hear his stupid comments again. But re-enter foreign dude. Again he starts yelling at the bartenders to get their attention. If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times… DO NOT YELL AT YOUR BARTENDER. Of course, it’s a busy night and the bartender finally yells back at him that he’s being rude and if he is going to be a dick to go somewhere else. He shuts up for a minute and they finally come back to serve him. “Can I have a beer?” “What kind of beer?” “I don’t know, what do you have?”

You’re kidding me, right? Beer and Dayton go hand and hand. Butter to popcorn. Just watching this guy interact with human beings made me feel the dumbest I ever have. They serve him the basics, and it’s over. FINALLY.

The only way to recover from this night was shots. One for the bartender, one for me. And more drinks.

Look if you know when you drink that you become a giant Douche Bag… Don’t interact with people you don’t know. And when you’re friends are telling you to calm down… Do it. I can usually handle my own, and this kind of stuff doesn’t bother me. But when I’m doing my own thing and you’re chiming in to my life too much, I will shut you down. Just drink and enjoy the night, play it cool. And leave the girl that’s by herself and working on her phone ALONE. People¬†can be so idiotic.

Ahh… it feels so good to get this out of my head and in my WBW category. Let’s take a moment to cheers to no more nights surrounded by the Biggest Douche Bags in Dayton!

Thanks for reading my friends, live long and prosper.

“Sometimes your mouth is like a zipper: by the time you realize that it’s open, it has already embarrassed you…”

Not all that glitters is gold

I get questioned a lot on if I’ve found a guy, what’s new in my life, how things have been in the dating scene. I also get teased a lot about being a crazy cat lady (I don’t have a cat… Or 40 cats… But I do like kittens), about my blog, and about doing things alone. Mom… I’m safe…. Chill out. And on the other hand I also get a lot of comments that I’m so lucky to be single, even to the point that some people have said to me they wish they were, because it’s so much easier. So I’ve taken a few days, and rather than experiencing my normal single bar hangs, I’ve kind of wifed up to experience the other side. Just because I’m single does not mean there are aren’t any boys that I care so deeply for, that I would do anything and everything for them. I just know that I can’t have a relationship with them, and I’m slowly but surely coming to terms with that. It’s been awhile since I was in an actual relationship, about two years, so I’ve kind of forgotten how to do the whole dating thing. But I’ve compiled this list of positives and negatives of the single life while I was experiencing the other side. The twilight zone if you will…

The grass is always greener… Right? Now, P = Positive N = Negative. Keep up kiddos, this will be fun.

P1. Being single means I don’t have to abide by another humans schedule. I can do what I want, when I want. That seems to be a consistent theme of my single life, if you haven’t noticed. I don’t mind it AT ALL. I enjoy my personal freedom, and don’t want to ever take it for granted. I like to wake up early, and spend a lot of time getting gorgeous for the day. And I like to stay up late and drink at bars. Nobody can complain about my schedule, except for me when I don’t want to get out of bed. ūüôā

N1. I find myself joking, stressing out, discovering new places etc. by myself. It would be nice to share some moments of my life with someone who is interested and invested in me. And to have someone to lean on when times are rough. I have a support system but at a distance, my support system also have their own lives. They can’t drop everything to be there in my life. Having that one person that you can share everything with is special and rare though. If you have it, be thankful.

(Ps I’m sitting at the bar and the guy next to me is cheering up his newly single friend and said “I be out pounding puppiessss.” Brilliant dude.)

P2. All of this personal time is teaching me to be even more domesticated. A few weeks ago I had to kill a small dinosaur in my apartment. Okay, it was a house centipede, but still. And I did spazz out and yelled that I needed an adult, but I still murdered that baby dinosaur (in the garbage disposal) by myself! But that’s not all. I mean I’m learning all skills necessary to lead an adult life, which is saying way more than some of the people I know. They are learning to be dependent on others.

N2. The thought of getting married and having kids is growing cloudy. I can’t see myself married to a man, but I do know what my wedding would look like. And I really can’t see myself raising a child, but it would be cool to have a mini me running around one day. That kid would be so crazy and fun. Could the world actually handle that? It’s a scary thought to find things I do want in my future seeming unfathomable. I set goals and I do everything in my power to reach them, but then again is this a goal that we can set for ourselves?

P3. I only have to clean up after myself and I can do that however I want to and can maintain my lifestyle. During my wifey week I cleaned up after others and geez…. My personal OCD was at an all time high. Once I started I couldn’t stop until it was all done. And it had to be perfect. The struggle was real. Real dirty.

N3. A dude to have my back would be cool.¬†New neighbors moved in upstairs and I’m already aggravated. Prior to these kids it was two gay guys who beat the living shit out of each other. (Call me a narc but when you’ve kept me up until 4:30 am fighting viciously I finally called the cops on them. Pretty sure that’s why they were evicted but I’m not sorry.) Now it’s a couple, and they are loud and obnoxious, and the sounds of them fighting¬†is driving me crazy. Better shape up and quiet down before I send my boyfriend to shut you up! Oh wait– I don’t have one of those. Haha, what a sad joke. Which provides an additional positive note:

P3.2 I don’t like arguing and fighting and I don’t have to. I witnessed people in relationships, I live below people in a relationship, and I have been in a relationship¬†where the couple fights all…. the…. time. It’s sad and scary and EXTREMELY annoying. Be chill, be happy, enjoy each other’s company. If you’re in a bad mood, walk away and calm down to address the problems you’re having.

P4.¬†I don’t have to worry about meeting new people, not liking them, or them not liking me.¬†The holidays are around the corner and I hear everyone stressing about making dinner for their family and in-laws or having to spend time with family members they don’t want to. While I’m not the most of excited to be in the same house with just my family doing nothing for 12+ hours (Guys… I have a hard time sitting still and not being productive) it’s not the worst ever. And I don’t have to make friends with people that my significant other has that I may not like. Right now I can meet whoever and don’t have to worry about hanging with¬†them in an awkward situation. I talk to strangers, and that’s it. I’ll most likely not see the idiots ever again. I have my friends that I will keep around for ages, and enjoy their company as well. It’s an awesome win-win for me.

N4. I can’t have just friends. It always turns into something I don’t want it to be. Or someone on the outside turns it into something I don’t want it to be. I don’t want to date every guy I spend time with, I just think people are cool. And if you even suggest that I’m a lesbian because I’m hanging with a girl, or not hanging with anyone, would you like me to punch you in the face or the balls? I’ll be decent enough to give you the option. My point to make to the people who can’t just be my friend: I am not the most of hideous girls out there, and I love deeply, but I haven’t been in a committed relationship in over two years… There has to be a reason why. So keep your distance and just be my friend.

P5. I am learning all the all the details about myself at a really cool time in my life. I know where I want to go with my career, what I want in a significant other, and what I want out of my twenties. I get to be selfish and independent and there’s not many girls my age who get to do the same. I’ve learned the genres of music, movies, and television that I like and can enjoy it to the fullest. I know what I like to make for dinner, where I like to go to have fun, and how I like to schedule myself. I can only embrace this. So many people lose out on this opportunity because they are trying to accommodate a special person in their life. My mom married and had kids young, which I’m thankful to be alive and to be close in age to my parents, but I know she missed out on a lot and her and my father are very reliant on each other. I want to know everything about myself, be fully independent, and then share that wholly with someone.

N5. I hate the questioning of who I am and what I’m doing. No I don’t have a boyfriend. No I don’t have a girlfriend. No there is nothing wrong with me. No I don’t want all of that. No I don’t want to fuck. Gah. Just let me sit alone. And anyone who thinks sitting alone at the bar is asking for it, fuck you. Yep. I get this all the time. If you want a better explanation of what I mean, check out my next Way Back Wednesday ¬†on Thanksgiving Eve.

There are reasons why I am making the choices I am right now. But what will be, will be. And I can’t do anything but build and enjoy this ride for myself. I hope if you are going through single life right now, that you can find peace in it. Meet new people, discover awesome things about yourself, and be happy. There is nothing more I can wish for all of you than just that. Find the positives in life and dig it. But most of all, love yourself through the ups and downs. If you are with someone, or if you are single, I hope you know that the other side may look nice but your life is the only one you can live.

Today I don’t have a quote for you, but a poem. Written by R. M. Drake. If you’ve never seen his poetry, check him out on instagram @rmdrk (or his book is for sale on etsy) for more beautiful¬†words…

“She was never crazy. She just didn’t let her heart settle in a cage. She was born wild, and sometimes we need people like her. For it’s the horrors in her heart which cause the flames in ours. And she was always willing to burn for everything she has ever loved.”

Stay gorgeous my dears.

Way Back Wednesday – Bar Fight

It’s that time again…. Another edition of Way Back Wednesday!

This one is going to be a little awkward to talk about for me. It kinda has something to do with being single, but it was a huge learning lesson as to who I am really am as a person. ¬†It involves Wings Bar and Grille again (Don’t forget, I spent a lot of time alone there while “dating” a bartender, and weird shit happened). It also is a flashback into my life.

I lived with a few people I worked with earlier in the year, it lasted about a month. We were “friends” much longer that, but when I decided to move out things got really bad, extremely fast. Since then I’ve kind of been in hiding from them, and it’s what pushed me farther into the lonely lifestyle. But if you know me in real life, then you know I’m very passive and try to keep a friendly disposition. Well these girls, we’ll call them the Rudes, I lived with were straight up bitches. I moved out in March and this event happened in late June (I think?).

So I’m hanging out at Wings, and it’s pretty empty. When I pulled up and parked in one of the first spots I knew that it would be slow. (PS I have a very recognizable lunch box of a car. So once you see it, you’ll know which to avoid if you don’t want to party with this animal.) There’s two people inside that I know there from them visiting my place of employment and it’s a calm night. Fine by me, I’ll enjoy my drinks and the company. ¬†So I head outside to smoke a cigarette and the bartender… let’s call him Jay… came out and said “Just so you know the rudes are here“. Jay is working and kind of telling me in passing, so I asked about if it was cool if I just left then. I had planned to stay till closing with him to go to his house after he got off. For some reason I thought he said “No, it’ll be okay, just stay” but what was said was “Not it’s okay, you don’t have to stay“. Well I wish I had better fucking hearing, because next thing I knew, there they are standing next to me at the bar. I mean, they knew my car and could have avoided this bar. There’s 4 others down the road…go there. But nope. The #1 bitch of the group is in my ear, kind of calling me out, and being a huge smart ass. I had no intentions of talking, looking, or acknowledging these girls. But they’re not cute, and really aggressive, and of course I had to be their first (and last) stop at that bar. So again, in a passive way I’m trying to turn away to get up and away from the situation, and that’s when it happened. Rude #1 hit me in the face, open handed, and all I could do was yell for Jay. He instantly kicked them out (One of the nicest things he’s done) and stood outside listening to them trying to apologize to him about it (one of the worst things he could have done, come on take my side at least).

So I got upset. Not because I got hit in a bar, but because I once considered this girl and her whole group my friends. I did a lot for them, and took a lot of bullets for them as well. And she hit me. After months of not seeing each other, she couldn’t just be chill and cool. She had to have the upper hand. So I hung back in the pool room with the two people who stop by my work place, and they calmed me down. It’s a girl and her boyfriend. She had him watch to make sure they didn’t come back. And I went out and smoked a cigarette and called my friends to calm down. And I kept hearing the same things why didn’t you hit her back? why didn’t you call the police? but that’s not what I wanted to do. I just wanted to sit at the bar, enjoy drinks, and not have something like this happen. My friends made jokes about going after them, and what they would do what would happen if they came after me again. But even to this day, I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to be the white trash girl fighting at the bar. I don’t have a tolerance for this kind of nonsense, and there isn’t any shame in avoiding it.

Jay came back and said they were down the street at a bar his friends worked out talking about beating my ass. Now that’s embarrassing — but I have to give myself credit. My response to that was “Well damn, I still look pretty good considering I just got my ass beat“. I mean, how dumb could they be? lapped me in the eye…. now if you had knocked me out and left me black and blue, I’d give you the credit. But really? My message to rude #1: If you need the confidence boost, then have it. Because my job, my car, my home, my friends, my income… I earned all of that and did it the right way in life. Tell me what you’ve accomplished? I can proudly say that at the very least I don’t look like a psycho bitch at a bar and well… what can anyone say about you?

So what I’ve learned is to not trust people as much as I used to. And that I like being a non-violent person. I’m happy at the fact that I would never do that to a person out of hate. You look cheap and pathetic fighting at the bar. Nobody likes having to kick people out of the bar, nobody wants to watch you try to make yourself look cool by hitting someone alone at the bar. So lesson for you kids to learn — Fucking. Drop. It. If you’re pissed and have hard feelings — GET OVER IT. You look like a child. I just hate seeing anybody fight at bars. I’ve seen dudes get body slammed and head butted and it’s not attractive. I’d much rather watch you talk shit on Facebook than harm someone physically.

This is probably not a Way Back Wednesday that’s hilarious, but I got hit at a bar. Lol. An annoying moment in my life shared with you kids on behalf of my single bar hangs. Just remember this the next time you feel anger. Bar, work, in general. Violence isn’t the answer, and even more so when someone is by themselves. Be understanding of the humans around you, and if you mentally can’t handle that stay away from people. Grow up, it’ll do you a lot of good.

Be cool cats ūüôā

“Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got¬†nothing to lose.” – Robin Williams

 

 

Why you should be friends with bartenders (but don’t date them!!)

Okay that title jumps to conclusions, I apologize for that. But I have some cool valid points and some shitty reasons as well. So at least read my advice!! I may be young but I got an early start and you should take this as a starting point.

I have friends that are bartenders and they are the coolest I know. I have made out with bartenders and I would totes do it again. I have “dated” bartenders and it was a Big. Fucking. Mistake. Let’s get real about this.

Being friends with a bartender means you’re going to learn about chill bars and great food. And they usually know what nights all the college kids are gonna be at the bar and what days have the best specials. Once you build that relationship you’ll also learn how to be a better patron. You’ll tip your friends better, and they’ll in return take better care of you. Maybe pour a little more in your drink versus the shitty customer sitting next to you. (Probably NOT legal, but I’ll welcome it.) take care of them and they’ll take care of you. My bartender friends don’t ID me anymore ( one less step to getting my drink) and won’t make me start a tab (also one less step between getting my drink — they know my order — and leaving — I don’t have to tell them my name). Remember being awesomely cool people is how they make their living… But they’ll be even better if you are too. All relationships are 50/50. Even this part aside, a bartender as a friend means you’re going to hear good stories. They’ll be able to pull the most memorable nights they’ve experienced and you’ll get to laugh your ass off at the stupidity of others. They also give great advice. My friend Cassie (hey girl hey!) is ALWAYS right. Always. It’s kind of scary, but she just is. Advice, business, logic, she generally gets it all and she’ll tell you straight up how it is. Bartenders are also very good at math and counting… And well I’m not. Haha! Bonus!

Now the most sassiest thing you can do is make out with your bartender. If it’s safe, if they are showing just as much interest, and they are single too (very important!!) give them a smooch here or a full on, hot make out session! 1.) you’ll get the single kid fix you need. I don’t need to get down and dirty, but a kissing session reminds me that I’m attractive and can still get a man. Confidence boost: check. 2.) They’ll treat you better than a friend. They’ll buy you an extra drink that you may not need or order you something a little better than what you’re drinking. It’s a win/win. You’ll learn a new drink that you wouldn’t normally try, and you’ll feel pretty special. They’ll pretend you’re top dog for a minute and you’ll feel better walking out. Personality boost: check. 3.) Come on… Who doesn’t love a bartender? They know what drink to make, when to do it, and generally celebrates every positive and negative moment in your life with you, even if they want to or not. Need I say more?

Now. Let’s get serious. Don’t date a bartender!! Woah, still aggressive. Okay, don’t date a bartender unless you kind of live and want to live that lifestyle. Do you work long nights? Do you work mainly weekends? Are you okay with you significant other flirting to make extra money? If you’ve answered ‘No’ to any of these questions… DON’T DO IT. Bartending is a whole different world. And if you aren’t involved in that world or welcoming to it, you will get hurt. Been there, done that. In the past, hanging out my guys bar that he works at did nothing but make me self-conscience and that is never deserved. The girls he worked with made it worse and it sucked. I never felt good enough. Granted, he didn’t make the effort to be in a real relationship with me and that was his own personal problem. But it still sucked. Don’t get me wrong, if the right guy who gave a fuck came around and was a bartender, I’d probably give him the time of day. But just know their motives. Make sure they are out for your best interest.

And just so you don’t think I’m that bossy… no matter what I say, think, or do and give advice on… Live your life the way you want to!!

“My ex taught me about heartbreak, my girls taught me about friendship, but most importantly my bartender taught me about manhattans.” — Dumped

Ladies and Gentlemen Listen (and Drink) Up!!

I ¬†firmly don’t believe I’m a feminist and certainly not a “feminazi”. I think a man’s mind is advanced in certain key factors and a woman’s is in key in others. I mean, give a man a freshly born baby and he might not have the instinct to raise it. Give a woman a drill and some drywall and she probably wouldn’t know what to do right away. But if you give both manuals, books, and further education and they’ll both figure it out. And they’ll both be (decently) successful, until they are completely competent in that subject. Then they’ll be fucking great. So I’m creating a manual that is influenced by my small attachment of being proud to be a woman and independent. I am self sufficient and can hold my ground as a woman sitting alone at a bar. Tonight is Lucky’s Tap Room and Eatery, located in the Oregon District. Small and cozy, and only the second time I’ve been here. ¬†(By the way, if you have a bar suggestion or request let me know! I’ll be happy to test the lonely waters.)

There’s not much seating and I’m sandwiched on the corner by two men, one of which has already introduced himself and wants to talk about our jobs, my dinner, and what the other tables are ordering. (Please let me eat, drink, and blog in peace. I just sat down!!) Any who, back to this manual. I’m sure I’ll add more to this later, but this is a good start for an easy night.

Here we go! Grab your drink now while you still have time…

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Tips and tricks of being single at the bar… and how to enjoy it.¬†

Ladies:

1.¬†Never feel like you have to tell a man who is hitting on you at a bar that you have a boyfriend — ESPECIALLY when you don’t. Be honest and the strong woman I know you are, and even more so when you are not interested. It’s okay to just want to chill the fuck out and not get picked up. I read another bloggers post about this and it has changed my single life completely. If it doesn’t work, walk away, and if the man is persistent, tell a bouncer or bartender. No one is allowed to make you feel bad or unsafe for being alone.

2. Eat, drink, and wear whatever your little heart desires. You don’t have to be on a date or plan a huge night out to dress up, head to your local pub, eat a hamburger, and take shots. Most of the bars I visit are laid back and big on beer. No matter how much I try to drink it beer gives me a headache and liquor doesn’t. So no shame in ordering my crown and coke. Hey, to each their own. I also wear a uniform 5 out 7 days in the week, so I dress up when I can. Today I spent 5 hours working on our website in my jammies and still dirty from the night before. So I picked out a dress, took a shower, and decided to look bad ass for no reason but for myself. And order the damn hamburger. Tonight I needed vegetables and got a salad, but next time I’m getting that burger and fries.

3. Learn clever lines to strike up or end conversation.¬†You are beautiful. And guaranteed the men are going to be starting conversation with you. If you want to talk to strangers (one of my favorite hobbies) mention something funny back. One time a guy in a Nasa shirt asked me if I was single and I responded with a “Yes. Are you an astronaut?” He laughed it off and even said he wasn’t expecting that response but no he wasn’t an astronaut. So my way of shutting down the conversation was “well that’s unimpressive”. Very sassy. That’s when the kicker came back in: “I’m not an astronaut but I’ll take you to the stars.” Good one dude! Honestly, thumbs up. It was just a fun conversation that I wanted to continue. Now when someone who is wasted comes up and I just want to drink and watch football and says “you look lonely.” I drop the “I’m in a bar full of people, impossible to be lonely.” Or “you look bored.” “I’ve challenged myself to finish this drink and I need to accomplish that.” That usually gets them to shut up and walk away. You’ll slowly make up your own and if you have lines already, feel free to leave them in the comments below. ūüôā

Men:

1. It is not creepy for you to sit alone and chill at a bar. This is the #1 thing I hear guys mention when I tell them about loner bar hangs and tell them to try it out. You’re creepy if you’re with a group of buddies and you’re all drunk and trying to pick up every girl at the bar. That’s a sleaze ball move. But if you’re drinking, enjoying music or sports, or just doing whatever you want to do, you look cooler to me. And if you’re by yourself, so what! You’re having fun and that’s all that matters. You’ll learn new things about yourself and even have awesome conversations with other loner people. It’s pretty fun.

2.¬†Learn your drinking limits. And then drink under those limits. Look I’m not one to tell you have a boring time while hanging out, but if you’re with a group (or not) and you’re slurring your speech or you’re barfing outside, it’s just not cool. People will worry, you’ll get pulled over, you could get really hurt or worse. And if you’re drinking to keep up with your friends or the girl you’re with, that’s just plain stupid. Drink what you can, when you can. Nobody cares if you can belly up to the bar every time the song “shots” comes on. And if they do, they’re young, dumb, and not the crowd you wanna hang with. (Considering the bartender probably already hates them for being annoying as fuck.)

3. Find your signature drink and enjoy it when you can. I’m sure everyone knows by now that I am a crown royal and coke girl. But if bud light keeps ya happy, drink it. Shots of patron with a lime, by all means order it. Shirley Temple? Have at it dude. (I mean, I don’t strongly suggest a Shirley Temple, just for the fact that there is no alcohol.) Anyway, at the end of the day, the only person you should be out to please is yourself. If your friends make fun of you for ordering a “girly” drink, then they are crappy friends (you can do way better–or simply drink up with pride and laugh when they cringe and choke on the shot they’re doing that they don’t even like.) So order that pineapple upside down cake and chug that shit. Ain’t no shame when you’re doing your thing and well for what it’s worth, you’re still neat in my book.

So in conclusion, have fun being you. Take pride in the choices you make. And enjoy this life… It’s the only one you’ve got. I once read that you only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough and that is a key thought to being excited about the life you lead as a single, powerful, and independent human being. Male or female. ūüėČ

“I started being really proud of the fact that I was gay, even though I wasn’t.” – Kurt Cobain

Stay cool kids. ‚úĆÔłŹ

 

Way Back Wednesday!

Introducing…. Way back Wednesday! (Check out the link to learn more about this fun mini series!) You’ve heard of shout out Sunday and throwback Thursday… But I like Wednesday. It’s a cool day. What day is it?! Hump day!!! So this is a mini post about a funny story recalled from my past and this one is shared with my friend Cassie. Cassie is a mom (hey hot mama!!) and a bartender. She’s super sassy and I dig her a lot. But when we go out, two pretty girls get attention. However, we can make a man look dumb as fuck and I love it.

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(Meet the way gorgeous Cassie <3)

So this story is brought to you by Wings Bar and Grille. Wings has an inside bar and outside patio bar. It’s a hole in the wall, but a hotspot for the area it’s located in. I “dated” (and I use that term lightly) a bartender there so I spent many a night hanging out at Wings. You don’t have to remind me how cool I am, I already know. Anyway, Cassie joined me this night and we’re having a great time. Hell yeah, shots! And then… We’re surrounded. Way drunk dudes trying to mack and it’s ¬† ¬† just¬† ¬† ¬†not ¬† ¬† cute. So Cassie and I had just gotten off work, and we’re still in uniform and to be honest, still a little dirty from the day. But I have tattoos that are supposed to be covered at work, that were currently showing.

*Let me just insert, my tattoos are mainly for myself and if you compliment them, that’s cool. But do not try to use your shitty tribal work to impress me. I’ve spent a lot of $$ on the tattoos I have now and your basement work isn’t the best I’ve ever seen. End rant.*

So this guy is showing me his tattoos, and I can’t remember if it was a tribal piece or a sun or what it was. But it was old and needed touched up, and he was just really annoying us. So my clever little Cassie realized she had black on her finger from a dry erase marker. When the dude wouldn’t shut up, she rubbed her finger on his tattoo. Keep in mind, he’s drunk and so are his buddies. She showed him her finger and within two minutes we had this guy convinced that his tattoo was rubbing off and that we didn’t believe it was real. Finally…. FINALLY…. Dude gets the hint and walks down the bar and away from us. The night was chill again, and we laughed it off.

Then all of the events of the evening¬†were topped off by what we saw next. This guy is surrounded by his friends, all licking their fingers and rubbing his tattoos. I’m pretty sure he was emotionally disturbed by what happened. And we died. What a fucking ¬†tool!

Guys, just don’t. Learn body language, use smoke signals, whatever it takes for you to get it through your thick skulls that not every girl at the bar wants you to hit on them. And once you learn that while you’re sober, learn the signs when you’re drunk as a skunk. Don’t make me or Cassie have to make you look like a complete fucking idiot. Because we aren’t sassy just because, and definitely are not afraid to do so. ūüėČ

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Thank you, my beautiful friend Cassie, for partying the nights away with me.

 

“It helps if you remember that everyone is doing their best from their level of consciousness.” – Deepak Chopra

…is drunk a level of consciousness…? Haha!!
Peace Out Dudes.