Ladies and Gentlemen Listen (and Drink) Up!!

I  firmly don’t believe I’m a feminist and certainly not a “feminazi”. I think a man’s mind is advanced in certain key factors and a woman’s is in key in others. I mean, give a man a freshly born baby and he might not have the instinct to raise it. Give a woman a drill and some drywall and she probably wouldn’t know what to do right away. But if you give both manuals, books, and further education and they’ll both figure it out. And they’ll both be (decently) successful, until they are completely competent in that subject. Then they’ll be fucking great. So I’m creating a manual that is influenced by my small attachment of being proud to be a woman and independent. I am self sufficient and can hold my ground as a woman sitting alone at a bar. Tonight is Lucky’s Tap Room and Eatery, located in the Oregon District. Small and cozy, and only the second time I’ve been here.  (By the way, if you have a bar suggestion or request let me know! I’ll be happy to test the lonely waters.)

There’s not much seating and I’m sandwiched on the corner by two men, one of which has already introduced himself and wants to talk about our jobs, my dinner, and what the other tables are ordering. (Please let me eat, drink, and blog in peace. I just sat down!!) Any who, back to this manual. I’m sure I’ll add more to this later, but this is a good start for an easy night.

Here we go! Grab your drink now while you still have time…

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Tips and tricks of being single at the bar… and how to enjoy it. 

Ladies:

1. Never feel like you have to tell a man who is hitting on you at a bar that you have a boyfriend — ESPECIALLY when you don’t. Be honest and the strong woman I know you are, and even more so when you are not interested. It’s okay to just want to chill the fuck out and not get picked up. I read another bloggers post about this and it has changed my single life completely. If it doesn’t work, walk away, and if the man is persistent, tell a bouncer or bartender. No one is allowed to make you feel bad or unsafe for being alone.

2. Eat, drink, and wear whatever your little heart desires. You don’t have to be on a date or plan a huge night out to dress up, head to your local pub, eat a hamburger, and take shots. Most of the bars I visit are laid back and big on beer. No matter how much I try to drink it beer gives me a headache and liquor doesn’t. So no shame in ordering my crown and coke. Hey, to each their own. I also wear a uniform 5 out 7 days in the week, so I dress up when I can. Today I spent 5 hours working on our website in my jammies and still dirty from the night before. So I picked out a dress, took a shower, and decided to look bad ass for no reason but for myself. And order the damn hamburger. Tonight I needed vegetables and got a salad, but next time I’m getting that burger and fries.

3. Learn clever lines to strike up or end conversation. You are beautiful. And guaranteed the men are going to be starting conversation with you. If you want to talk to strangers (one of my favorite hobbies) mention something funny back. One time a guy in a Nasa shirt asked me if I was single and I responded with a “Yes. Are you an astronaut?” He laughed it off and even said he wasn’t expecting that response but no he wasn’t an astronaut. So my way of shutting down the conversation was “well that’s unimpressive”. Very sassy. That’s when the kicker came back in: “I’m not an astronaut but I’ll take you to the stars.” Good one dude! Honestly, thumbs up. It was just a fun conversation that I wanted to continue. Now when someone who is wasted comes up and I just want to drink and watch football and says “you look lonely.” I drop the “I’m in a bar full of people, impossible to be lonely.” Or “you look bored.” “I’ve challenged myself to finish this drink and I need to accomplish that.” That usually gets them to shut up and walk away. You’ll slowly make up your own and if you have lines already, feel free to leave them in the comments below. 🙂

Men:

1. It is not creepy for you to sit alone and chill at a bar. This is the #1 thing I hear guys mention when I tell them about loner bar hangs and tell them to try it out. You’re creepy if you’re with a group of buddies and you’re all drunk and trying to pick up every girl at the bar. That’s a sleaze ball move. But if you’re drinking, enjoying music or sports, or just doing whatever you want to do, you look cooler to me. And if you’re by yourself, so what! You’re having fun and that’s all that matters. You’ll learn new things about yourself and even have awesome conversations with other loner people. It’s pretty fun.

2. Learn your drinking limits. And then drink under those limits. Look I’m not one to tell you have a boring time while hanging out, but if you’re with a group (or not) and you’re slurring your speech or you’re barfing outside, it’s just not cool. People will worry, you’ll get pulled over, you could get really hurt or worse. And if you’re drinking to keep up with your friends or the girl you’re with, that’s just plain stupid. Drink what you can, when you can. Nobody cares if you can belly up to the bar every time the song “shots” comes on. And if they do, they’re young, dumb, and not the crowd you wanna hang with. (Considering the bartender probably already hates them for being annoying as fuck.)

3. Find your signature drink and enjoy it when you can. I’m sure everyone knows by now that I am a crown royal and coke girl. But if bud light keeps ya happy, drink it. Shots of patron with a lime, by all means order it. Shirley Temple? Have at it dude. (I mean, I don’t strongly suggest a Shirley Temple, just for the fact that there is no alcohol.) Anyway, at the end of the day, the only person you should be out to please is yourself. If your friends make fun of you for ordering a “girly” drink, then they are crappy friends (you can do way better–or simply drink up with pride and laugh when they cringe and choke on the shot they’re doing that they don’t even like.) So order that pineapple upside down cake and chug that shit. Ain’t no shame when you’re doing your thing and well for what it’s worth, you’re still neat in my book.

So in conclusion, have fun being you. Take pride in the choices you make. And enjoy this life… It’s the only one you’ve got. I once read that you only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough and that is a key thought to being excited about the life you lead as a single, powerful, and independent human being. Male or female. 😉

“I started being really proud of the fact that I was gay, even though I wasn’t.” – Kurt Cobain

Stay cool kids. ✌️

 

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