Not all that glitters is gold

I get questioned a lot on if I’ve found a guy, what’s new in my life, how things have been in the dating scene. I also get teased a lot about being a crazy cat lady (I don’t have a cat… Or 40 cats… But I do like kittens), about my blog, and about doing things alone. Mom… I’m safe…. Chill out. And on the other hand I also get a lot of comments that I’m so lucky to be single, even to the point that some people have said to me they wish they were, because it’s so much easier. So I’ve taken a few days, and rather than experiencing my normal single bar hangs, I’ve kind of wifed up to experience the other side. Just because I’m single does not mean there are aren’t any boys that I care so deeply for, that I would do anything and everything for them. I just know that I can’t have a relationship with them, and I’m slowly but surely coming to terms with that. It’s been awhile since I was in an actual relationship, about two years, so I’ve kind of forgotten how to do the whole dating thing. But I’ve compiled this list of positives and negatives of the single life while I was experiencing the other side. The twilight zone if you will…

The grass is always greener… Right? Now, P = Positive N = Negative. Keep up kiddos, this will be fun.

P1. Being single means I don’t have to abide by another humans schedule. I can do what I want, when I want. That seems to be a consistent theme of my single life, if you haven’t noticed. I don’t mind it AT ALL. I enjoy my personal freedom, and don’t want to ever take it for granted. I like to wake up early, and spend a lot of time getting gorgeous for the day. And I like to stay up late and drink at bars. Nobody can complain about my schedule, except for me when I don’t want to get out of bed. 🙂

N1. I find myself joking, stressing out, discovering new places etc. by myself. It would be nice to share some moments of my life with someone who is interested and invested in me. And to have someone to lean on when times are rough. I have a support system but at a distance, my support system also have their own lives. They can’t drop everything to be there in my life. Having that one person that you can share everything with is special and rare though. If you have it, be thankful.

(Ps I’m sitting at the bar and the guy next to me is cheering up his newly single friend and said “I be out pounding puppiessss.” Brilliant dude.)

P2. All of this personal time is teaching me to be even more domesticated. A few weeks ago I had to kill a small dinosaur in my apartment. Okay, it was a house centipede, but still. And I did spazz out and yelled that I needed an adult, but I still murdered that baby dinosaur (in the garbage disposal) by myself! But that’s not all. I mean I’m learning all skills necessary to lead an adult life, which is saying way more than some of the people I know. They are learning to be dependent on others.

N2. The thought of getting married and having kids is growing cloudy. I can’t see myself married to a man, but I do know what my wedding would look like. And I really can’t see myself raising a child, but it would be cool to have a mini me running around one day. That kid would be so crazy and fun. Could the world actually handle that? It’s a scary thought to find things I do want in my future seeming unfathomable. I set goals and I do everything in my power to reach them, but then again is this a goal that we can set for ourselves?

P3. I only have to clean up after myself and I can do that however I want to and can maintain my lifestyle. During my wifey week I cleaned up after others and geez…. My personal OCD was at an all time high. Once I started I couldn’t stop until it was all done. And it had to be perfect. The struggle was real. Real dirty.

N3. A dude to have my back would be cool. New neighbors moved in upstairs and I’m already aggravated. Prior to these kids it was two gay guys who beat the living shit out of each other. (Call me a narc but when you’ve kept me up until 4:30 am fighting viciously I finally called the cops on them. Pretty sure that’s why they were evicted but I’m not sorry.) Now it’s a couple, and they are loud and obnoxious, and the sounds of them fighting is driving me crazy. Better shape up and quiet down before I send my boyfriend to shut you up! Oh wait– I don’t have one of those. Haha, what a sad joke. Which provides an additional positive note:

P3.2 I don’t like arguing and fighting and I don’t have to. I witnessed people in relationships, I live below people in a relationship, and I have been in a relationship where the couple fights all…. the…. time. It’s sad and scary and EXTREMELY annoying. Be chill, be happy, enjoy each other’s company. If you’re in a bad mood, walk away and calm down to address the problems you’re having.

P4. I don’t have to worry about meeting new people, not liking them, or them not liking me. The holidays are around the corner and I hear everyone stressing about making dinner for their family and in-laws or having to spend time with family members they don’t want to. While I’m not the most of excited to be in the same house with just my family doing nothing for 12+ hours (Guys… I have a hard time sitting still and not being productive) it’s not the worst ever. And I don’t have to make friends with people that my significant other has that I may not like. Right now I can meet whoever and don’t have to worry about hanging with them in an awkward situation. I talk to strangers, and that’s it. I’ll most likely not see the idiots ever again. I have my friends that I will keep around for ages, and enjoy their company as well. It’s an awesome win-win for me.

N4. I can’t have just friends. It always turns into something I don’t want it to be. Or someone on the outside turns it into something I don’t want it to be. I don’t want to date every guy I spend time with, I just think people are cool. And if you even suggest that I’m a lesbian because I’m hanging with a girl, or not hanging with anyone, would you like me to punch you in the face or the balls? I’ll be decent enough to give you the option. My point to make to the people who can’t just be my friend: I am not the most of hideous girls out there, and I love deeply, but I haven’t been in a committed relationship in over two years… There has to be a reason why. So keep your distance and just be my friend.

P5. I am learning all the all the details about myself at a really cool time in my life. I know where I want to go with my career, what I want in a significant other, and what I want out of my twenties. I get to be selfish and independent and there’s not many girls my age who get to do the same. I’ve learned the genres of music, movies, and television that I like and can enjoy it to the fullest. I know what I like to make for dinner, where I like to go to have fun, and how I like to schedule myself. I can only embrace this. So many people lose out on this opportunity because they are trying to accommodate a special person in their life. My mom married and had kids young, which I’m thankful to be alive and to be close in age to my parents, but I know she missed out on a lot and her and my father are very reliant on each other. I want to know everything about myself, be fully independent, and then share that wholly with someone.

N5. I hate the questioning of who I am and what I’m doing. No I don’t have a boyfriend. No I don’t have a girlfriend. No there is nothing wrong with me. No I don’t want all of that. No I don’t want to fuck. Gah. Just let me sit alone. And anyone who thinks sitting alone at the bar is asking for it, fuck you. Yep. I get this all the time. If you want a better explanation of what I mean, check out my next Way Back Wednesday  on Thanksgiving Eve.

There are reasons why I am making the choices I am right now. But what will be, will be. And I can’t do anything but build and enjoy this ride for myself. I hope if you are going through single life right now, that you can find peace in it. Meet new people, discover awesome things about yourself, and be happy. There is nothing more I can wish for all of you than just that. Find the positives in life and dig it. But most of all, love yourself through the ups and downs. If you are with someone, or if you are single, I hope you know that the other side may look nice but your life is the only one you can live.

Today I don’t have a quote for you, but a poem. Written by R. M. Drake. If you’ve never seen his poetry, check him out on instagram @rmdrk (or his book is for sale on etsy) for more beautiful words…

“She was never crazy. She just didn’t let her heart settle in a cage. She was born wild, and sometimes we need people like her. For it’s the horrors in her heart which cause the flames in ours. And she was always willing to burn for everything she has ever loved.”

Stay gorgeous my dears.

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Way Back Wednesday – Bar Fight

It’s that time again…. Another edition of Way Back Wednesday!

This one is going to be a little awkward to talk about for me. It kinda has something to do with being single, but it was a huge learning lesson as to who I am really am as a person.  It involves Wings Bar and Grille again (Don’t forget, I spent a lot of time alone there while “dating” a bartender, and weird shit happened). It also is a flashback into my life.

I lived with a few people I worked with earlier in the year, it lasted about a month. We were “friends” much longer that, but when I decided to move out things got really bad, extremely fast. Since then I’ve kind of been in hiding from them, and it’s what pushed me farther into the lonely lifestyle. But if you know me in real life, then you know I’m very passive and try to keep a friendly disposition. Well these girls, we’ll call them the Rudes, I lived with were straight up bitches. I moved out in March and this event happened in late June (I think?).

So I’m hanging out at Wings, and it’s pretty empty. When I pulled up and parked in one of the first spots I knew that it would be slow. (PS I have a very recognizable lunch box of a car. So once you see it, you’ll know which to avoid if you don’t want to party with this animal.) There’s two people inside that I know there from them visiting my place of employment and it’s a calm night. Fine by me, I’ll enjoy my drinks and the company.  So I head outside to smoke a cigarette and the bartender… let’s call him Jay… came out and said “Just so you know the rudes are here“. Jay is working and kind of telling me in passing, so I asked about if it was cool if I just left then. I had planned to stay till closing with him to go to his house after he got off. For some reason I thought he said “No, it’ll be okay, just stay” but what was said was “Not it’s okay, you don’t have to stay“. Well I wish I had better fucking hearing, because next thing I knew, there they are standing next to me at the bar. I mean, they knew my car and could have avoided this bar. There’s 4 others down the road…go there. But nope. The #1 bitch of the group is in my ear, kind of calling me out, and being a huge smart ass. I had no intentions of talking, looking, or acknowledging these girls. But they’re not cute, and really aggressive, and of course I had to be their first (and last) stop at that bar. So again, in a passive way I’m trying to turn away to get up and away from the situation, and that’s when it happened. Rude #1 hit me in the face, open handed, and all I could do was yell for Jay. He instantly kicked them out (One of the nicest things he’s done) and stood outside listening to them trying to apologize to him about it (one of the worst things he could have done, come on take my side at least).

So I got upset. Not because I got hit in a bar, but because I once considered this girl and her whole group my friends. I did a lot for them, and took a lot of bullets for them as well. And she hit me. After months of not seeing each other, she couldn’t just be chill and cool. She had to have the upper hand. So I hung back in the pool room with the two people who stop by my work place, and they calmed me down. It’s a girl and her boyfriend. She had him watch to make sure they didn’t come back. And I went out and smoked a cigarette and called my friends to calm down. And I kept hearing the same things why didn’t you hit her back? why didn’t you call the police? but that’s not what I wanted to do. I just wanted to sit at the bar, enjoy drinks, and not have something like this happen. My friends made jokes about going after them, and what they would do what would happen if they came after me again. But even to this day, I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to be the white trash girl fighting at the bar. I don’t have a tolerance for this kind of nonsense, and there isn’t any shame in avoiding it.

Jay came back and said they were down the street at a bar his friends worked out talking about beating my ass. Now that’s embarrassing — but I have to give myself credit. My response to that was “Well damn, I still look pretty good considering I just got my ass beat“. I mean, how dumb could they be? lapped me in the eye…. now if you had knocked me out and left me black and blue, I’d give you the credit. But really? My message to rude #1: If you need the confidence boost, then have it. Because my job, my car, my home, my friends, my income… I earned all of that and did it the right way in life. Tell me what you’ve accomplished? I can proudly say that at the very least I don’t look like a psycho bitch at a bar and well… what can anyone say about you?

So what I’ve learned is to not trust people as much as I used to. And that I like being a non-violent person. I’m happy at the fact that I would never do that to a person out of hate. You look cheap and pathetic fighting at the bar. Nobody likes having to kick people out of the bar, nobody wants to watch you try to make yourself look cool by hitting someone alone at the bar. So lesson for you kids to learn — Fucking. Drop. It. If you’re pissed and have hard feelings — GET OVER IT. You look like a child. I just hate seeing anybody fight at bars. I’ve seen dudes get body slammed and head butted and it’s not attractive. I’d much rather watch you talk shit on Facebook than harm someone physically.

This is probably not a Way Back Wednesday that’s hilarious, but I got hit at a bar. Lol. An annoying moment in my life shared with you kids on behalf of my single bar hangs. Just remember this the next time you feel anger. Bar, work, in general. Violence isn’t the answer, and even more so when someone is by themselves. Be understanding of the humans around you, and if you mentally can’t handle that stay away from people. Grow up, it’ll do you a lot of good.

Be cool cats 🙂

“Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.” – Robin Williams