Why you should be friends with bartenders (but don’t date them!!)

Okay that title jumps to conclusions, I apologize for that. But I have some cool valid points and some shitty reasons as well. So at least read my advice!! I may be young but I got an early start and you should take this as a starting point.

I have friends that are bartenders and they are the coolest I know. I have made out with bartenders and I would totes do it again. I have “dated” bartenders and it was a Big. Fucking. Mistake. Let’s get real about this.

Being friends with a bartender means you’re going to learn about chill bars and great food. And they usually know what nights all the college kids are gonna be at the bar and what days have the best specials. Once you build that relationship you’ll also learn how to be a better patron. You’ll tip your friends better, and they’ll in return take better care of you. Maybe pour a little more in your drink versus the shitty customer sitting next to you. (Probably NOT legal, but I’ll welcome it.) take care of them and they’ll take care of you. My bartender friends don’t ID me anymore ( one less step to getting my drink) and won’t make me start a tab (also one less step between getting my drink — they know my order — and leaving — I don’t have to tell them my name). Remember being awesomely cool people is how they make their living… But they’ll be even better if you are too. All relationships are 50/50. Even this part aside, a bartender as a friend means you’re going to hear good stories. They’ll be able to pull the most memorable nights they’ve experienced and you’ll get to laugh your ass off at the stupidity of others. They also give great advice. My friend Cassie (hey girl hey!) is ALWAYS right. Always. It’s kind of scary, but she just is. Advice, business, logic, she generally gets it all and she’ll tell you straight up how it is. Bartenders are also very good at math and counting… And well I’m not. Haha! Bonus!

Now the most sassiest thing you can do is make out with your bartender. If it’s safe, if they are showing just as much interest, and they are single too (very important!!) give them a smooch here or a full on, hot make out session! 1.) you’ll get the single kid fix you need. I don’t need to get down and dirty, but a kissing session reminds me that I’m attractive and can still get a man. Confidence boost: check. 2.) They’ll treat you better than a friend. They’ll buy you an extra drink that you may not need or order you something a little better than what you’re drinking. It’s a win/win. You’ll learn a new drink that you wouldn’t normally try, and you’ll feel pretty special. They’ll pretend you’re top dog for a minute and you’ll feel better walking out. Personality boost: check. 3.) Come on… Who doesn’t love a bartender? They know what drink to make, when to do it, and generally celebrates every positive and negative moment in your life with you, even if they want to or not. Need I say more?

Now. Let’s get serious. Don’t date a bartender!! Woah, still aggressive. Okay, don’t date a bartender unless you kind of live and want to live that lifestyle. Do you work long nights? Do you work mainly weekends? Are you okay with you significant other flirting to make extra money? If you’ve answered ‘No’ to any of these questions… DON’T DO IT. Bartending is a whole different world. And if you aren’t involved in that world or welcoming to it, you will get hurt. Been there, done that. In the past, hanging out my guys bar that he works at did nothing but make me self-conscience and that is never deserved. The girls he worked with made it worse and it sucked. I never felt good enough. Granted, he didn’t make the effort to be in a real relationship with me and that was his own personal problem. But it still sucked. Don’t get me wrong, if the right guy who gave a fuck came around and was a bartender, I’d probably give him the time of day. But just know their motives. Make sure they are out for your best interest.

And just so you don’t think I’m that bossy… no matter what I say, think, or do and give advice on… Live your life the way you want to!!

“My ex taught me about heartbreak, my girls taught me about friendship, but most importantly my bartender taught me about manhattans.” — Dumped

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Mr. Vines, Mr. Daniels, and a free meal (?) Oh My.

All week I’ve been thinking about eating an actual meal at a bar found on 5th street in the Oregon District called Blind Bob’s. It’s one of many on this street, but the music isn’t bad, and I’ve spent a few drunk nights here (definitely made out with a cute bartender during my… Let’s be awkward… Stage of my twenties) and the music and crowd is good enough for me to come back. So I went for a meal (BLT, all the toppings, and chips), and I haven’t eaten all day, so of course I drink that first crown and coke that I ordered with a fury. What better way to end a rough day? Mmm bacon… Mmm mayo… Mmm carbs….

Time for a cigarette and I’m back to order my second drink. Mind you I’m about 15 minutes from home so I do have to be careful and I try to close out my tab after I order.  “Your total is $6 bucks.” “Oh I had a BLT and another drink?” (Mind you the sandwich was so good, not sure if it was the hunger or actually good… I hate tomatoes and onion, but I could eat this BLT a million times over) *re-enter bartender in my semi food happy coma and feeling really honest, I’d totally pay for this shit* “ohhh….somebody already paid for that…for you… He paid your tab… Not sure if I’m supposed to tell you who it was though.” Okay so I’m confused. “Oh wow, thanks? Who paid for this?” “He’s a nice lad and has a good heart.” That’s the last thing he told me but I let it go (unusual for me, I wanted to thank the guy who bought my dinner)… People buy my drinks often, and it’s totally out of pity. Why is this decent girl with a smile sitting alone? How many shots until she’s drunk enough to hit on her? (5 — 5 shots and I’m almost guaranteed to be making out with you). Oh well, I’m still thankful. Thanks guy, not sure who you are (yet) even with a quick look around the bar to see if anyone is watching me pay. And that is when the Carolina Panthers start playing and Mr. Vines wants to hold a conversation.

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(Me and Mr. Vines… the Brown Street Pimp… he asked for a selfie, how could I say no?)

Oh Mr. Vines… Also known as the Brown Street Pimp from 1987 to 2014. He’s got a lot of internet cred and a decently cool guy. But he’ll talk your ear off. I got to see pictures of him in a pimp suit with a black chick cut out from a cheap nudie magazine. When he asked for my phone number… I may have given him my work number. It’s not because I didn’t want to hold a conversation with this man, I did keep talking to him, just didn’t want to get a call to my cell on the regs.

When Mr. Vines takes a smoke break, in comes Mr. Daniels. He taught the “mentally challenged and criminal students” of Dayton Public schools for over 20 years and just retired about 2 years ago. Mr. Daniels was drunk on 151 and I couldn’t understand anything except he loves music and wanted to play the jukebox (but it was taken by some hipster kids). He was really passionate about the music though and I hope to one day find something that when I talk, others feel my passion. Even if I’m wasted. 😉

Mr. Vines came back and started talking with me again. Random questions like what’s my horoscope, how long have I lived in Dayton, and if I was ready for winter. But 2 cigarettes bummed and a borrowed phone call later with Mr. Vines and I just wanted to watch football and drink so I tried to leave for a bar down the street. But before I left I went back to the bartender. I needed to know who bought my meal and first drink. That’s when I asked who bought it. He hesitates and says to me “he’s really nice… And a bigger guy… And his name is…”
[Insert the cute bartender I made out with in the past.] Well this is awkward.

That’s when I left and Mr. Vines walked me to my car. You can think it’s creepy, but he’s been walking these streets (better yet riding a bicycle) for 27 years and wanted to be sure I was safe. So I headed back home. And that is where I am. Just kidding, bar stop first, I’m sitting at comfortable King’s Table. And by comfortable I mean I’ve been here two handfuls of times and they’re starting to learn my name. But tonight was a good night of learning the Dayton originals. And at least I’ve still got it… Free meal for making out with a guy months ago? That’s fine. More $$ for booze.

Kids be safe out there but don’t assume you’re too good to talk to the weirdos.

“I’ve had some of my best conversations with strangers, she said, because they have no idea who they’re dealing with.”

Catch ya on the flip side, Cuties.